Relax don't do it?

Dear N, I need to relax and realize that yes I screwed up going online in 2007,(maybe? or maybe if i hadn't I would have been really stupid as depressed and as disordered my thinking was at the time)and I found a true friend that listened, and that alone helped me tremedously,parts of what I did was wrong I knew it before, during, and after. I hope you can forgive me, I hope I can forgive myself one day as well. But see unlike you, I truly feel horrible for the things I said and did, I really am repentant, doesn't repentance mean never doing that thing again once you've repented? Yes I logged on once and I made plans to start playing again, but you know what? I couldn't do it I didn't have the heart for it, I cared too much this time, I knew I had hurt you and couldn't do that again, so i stopped before I started and I know I never will again, you on the other hand continue to rip my heart out on a nearly daily basis, I try to bear it as sort of a penance for what I did, but damn my heart is really hurting lately and I mean that seriously .:(